This strange walk of faith we're on

This adoption process has been an interesting walk of faith from the very beginning...
We became convinced earlier this year that this is what the Lord would have us do---to step out in faith and pursue adoption.

But having a conviction is one thing. Knowing what to do next is another. No specific direction unfolded for us. So we began "knocking on doors". The first door we knocked on was foster care. We went to an orientation class but we both left feeling that this was not the route for us. After looking into some other domestic adoption possibilities, we determined that we should pursue international adoption.

Great. But from what country? We have friends that have adopted from China, Russia, Ethiopia, the former soviet union. How do we choose? I began to talk to friends and it wasn't long before a friend suggested the Philippines. Of course! The Philippines! (Why didn't I think of that!) I didn't even know that they were involved in international adoptions. But it just made sense...Roland was born in the Philippines and still has family there. So, at least we had it narrowed down to a country...Our next step was to identify and interview agencies that worked with the Philippines.

I called the first one on my list and told Roland that I just didn't think we should call any others. (So now we had a country and an agency.) During my first conversation with the Philippine program coordinator, I asked her about the type of children that are in the orphanages over there. More specifically, I asked her if there were any deaf kids there. (I hadn't really planned on asking that question.) She responded by telling me that she had just returned from visiting an orphanage and was introduced to deaf twin girls.
"Would we consider them?" she asked. Gulp.

We wrestled with this question for months. We prayed. Others prayed. A couple months later we received the girls' medical report---all 39 pages. Not only were these girls deaf, but one had epilepsy and they had both been hospitalized numerous times for upper respiratory infections/asthma. Our hearts sank.
"We can't do this, God!" we thought.

So, I began to pray-but this time in another way...I prayed for them to find a good home. Another home. Not ours. But a good loving home that was more "prepared" to take them. A family who knows sign language and would understand their medical needs. My friend laughed at me when I told her this in all seriousness. "Wow," she said. "Sounds like a Moses and Aaron thing... Haven't you been signing for 20 years," she asked. "Didn't Roland work as a pediatric nurse?" ouch.

So, back to the drawing board we went. We prayed with more fervor and then one day it happened. Roland came to me and said, "LaNae, I think these are our girls. We need to adopt them." And from that day, it's been settled. And it's just been a matter of doing all that needs to be done to get them here.

Though we have never met these girls, in our hearts they are our girls. I can't explain it-the intense maternal feelings I have for them. Not a day goes by when I don't think about them. I long to kiss their skinned knees when they fall down. To comfort them when they have a bad dream. To tuck them into bed at night... Somehow, now our family seems incomplete. Part of our family isn't with us. They're halfway around the world. And all just won't seem quite right until they are here with us. Until they are.. HOME.